He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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