I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
