She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
