yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
