Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
