So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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