i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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