I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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