Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
