I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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