I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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