i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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