you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
