im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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