ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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