So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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