Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
