I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
