I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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