dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
