fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
