I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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