i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
