even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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