I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
