honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
