so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
