so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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