OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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