I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
