I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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