That's when you crack a 10am beer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
