I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
