i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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