Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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