yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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