She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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