He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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