omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
