he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
