i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
