actually, I'm a sock model
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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