Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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