I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
where are you?
Hypothermia
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
