I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
