The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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