AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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