Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
