I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
