yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
