if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
